my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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