I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
