Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
