i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
