Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
