Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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