i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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