Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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