Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
