so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
