Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
