all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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