i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there was a trapeze. enough said
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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