i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
