Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
