it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
