T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
