Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
