i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
