operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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