so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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