the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
