could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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