Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
