Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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