Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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