She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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