In the future we'll all be gay
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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