got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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