So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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