I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize