just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
