so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize