i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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