I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
