I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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