There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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