I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
