I wanna passion pit in your ass
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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