My first STD was from a foam party
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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