did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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