It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
