upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
