Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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