I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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