The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize