i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
