I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
