I wish I could punch you in the face.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
