you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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