I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm passing your future prison.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
