It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
