So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
