We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
