I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
