If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
