Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
