my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize