She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
