I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
