I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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