fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
