Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
