Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
