there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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