She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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