I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
